Alphabet Blog - I - I've won an award!

I'm gifted a blog award by my lovely British friend Eti!!

This is my first ever blog award and I'm very happy about it! Eti writes a fabulous journal and that's where I met her and ever since she became my very good friend! Thank you!!


Here are the rules:

1) Thank and link the person who awarded you. ( up above! )

2) Write seven random things about yourself.

3) Spread the love to fifteen other bloggers.

Alphabet Blog - H - Holding on versus letting go

It's tough for me to let go, I tend to hold on for as long as possible, then when it really comes to the point that holding on to a particular matter harm me so much I would force myself to let go, and once I do so, the feelings never resurrect.

I never like to throw away things, even if they seem useless, it's the memories along with it that I can't let go. I know I would still remember things if the virtual object is not there, but still I want it there. I think I have stressed enough how important are memories to me. I tend to to hold on to a habit or people even though I should not be doing it or contacting anymore. It may not necessarily be a bad habit, say I care about sorting things my own way, even though sometimes others would want to help me, they never  get my way of doing things my way and I always have to do it once again. I greatly appreciate others' effort and care, but over small matters I really mind the little rules of me. Sometimes that cause a dilemma between people and me, they may think I'm such a freak in some way. So as I grow I let loose some of my "patterns" of doing things, it wouldn't harm me not doing so, it's just a preference, if it affects too much other parties other than me I may have to just let it be. I also always wanted to talk to people that once hurt me, we were fine before we fall out and that's how I want us to be. However most of the time they don't see why they would want me in their life anymore, probably not knowing that I treasured them in my life, being a good friend or not I'm very much glad I had them in my life. In different stages of you life, you just have to have particular kind of people to help you grow. Even after I don't see why they couldn't stay, or it's just me who don't understand so. I learn to let go after trying, I did all I can to hope for a chance that we can still be friends in some way, we can even only talk once now and then, just if that once in a long while talk wouldn't even matter to them, I'll just have to accept that it is the end of their part in my life. It's always tough of letting a person go, after the not straightforward saying of farewell, the flashbacks always make me down for quite a while, then after all feelings harboured deep down in my heart, they never come back in a massive overwhelming way and I'm ready to keep going.

Alphabet Blog - G - Going down memory lane

The cool breeze confirms Autumn is finally here.

I have no idea why but in time like this I always reminisce. The coolness in the air is a trigger for me to dig deep in my memories. I often just spent an afternoon sitting alone with a cup of tea, eyes out of focus, earphones plugged in.

There're of course happy and sad memories, but the unhappy ones are always most profound. The vision of someone turning their back, someone who slowly walks out of sight, the froze picture of the look on one's face. My mind are full of these pictures, sometimes it makes me very upset replaying all these pictures in my head but I just cannot help it. Memories of mine are so easily triggered; a similar scene of now or a phrase that I've heard before, even a particular sound or smell can take me back to the strong swirl of memories. I don't hate it a bit, I feel blessed that I can remember much of my past, and I'm able to relive the scene once again in my head. It feels nice to know how you got to this point, it's the memories that helped me to keep going, knowing I have been through all these and now that I'm just fine, I can most probably going to be well from now on too. The memories are my motivation, it helps me see what I had so I would know what I want for now. Decisions may not be best for me but it would be good enough for the moment I'm making it, at least I'm glad that I made such decisions at the moment rather than regretting repetitively on what if or I should have.

A trip down the memory lane reassures me who I am and how am I going to live each day wholeheartedly. Things happen for a reason, sometimes I might not know why, but for these I know I will definitely keep them in mind.

why not take a trip to your memory lane too?

Alphabet Blog - F - Fine

Hey. You there. I hope you're doing alright. We don't seems to talk anymore now.

Hey. You who have always been special. I see all your mind is now completely overwhelmed with that special someone you love. Fine, I hope you're feeling fine.

It is a bizarre experience to actually letting yourself open up and liking someone you genuinely know would not be even possible to be with together. That whole thing just wouldn't stand a chance at all. Yet humankind is such a complicated creature. Their mind and heart seems to be ALWAYS going in two distinctly different directions.

The mind would tell you, no don't do that, don't let yourself fall in love, you know that's not gonna work, you are going to suffer. But the heart would just make you feel like everything's gonna be fine, just go crazy go passionate go obsessive!

Alphabet Blog - E - Eventually

There is always an "Eventually" in everything. Eventually you'll get into the university; eventually there'd be a special someone for you; or eventually everyone's gonna die.

I personally don't like to use that word, because of its uncertainty. Eventually, meaning when? Tomorrow? A year later or ten years later? Or sometimes it basically means "never" depending on the speaker's intention.

Eventually is a popular word for people who don't want to make promises, or less seriously, don't want to confirm anything. I've came across quite a few examples myself, like "Eventually we'll meet." or "You will find someone... Eventually."